Poltergeist (2015) Review

What has possessed Hollywood? (You see what I did there?) I can’t begin to describe to you the vast disappointment and befuddling outrage I’m feeling towards this movie right now. The big question that comes to mind is…

Why was this movie remade to begin with?

I don’t know the reasoning behind that decision but I can assure you that it was a choice poorly made. When Tobe Hooper directed the original Poltergeist it was a masterpiece. The atmosphere was terrifying, the characters were believable and everything in the film was designed to suck you into a sick and twisted world of nightmares. Don’t believe me? Just watch the original trailer!

Now compare that trailer to the new one

I don’t know about you but the original trailer gives me chills just watching it. Comparatively, the new reincarnation has all the gravitas of canned dog food. I went and saw the new movie, expecting it to be poorly made, with a few friends of mine, one of whom is deathly afraid of horror movies. Throughout the film he sitting there with his hands in the air in a confused shrug. He wasn’t scared in the slightest. That’s not to say that the film didn’t have it’s freaky moments, but they were so filled with CGI that it became boring. The only thing that this movie did to make the audience feel uncomfortable were jump scares.

Jump scares in horror movies are what sex jokes are to comedy. Low blows that will always make the audience physically jump in their seats but have neither substance nor actual impact. Another thing about this movie that severely grinds my gears is the obvious lack of demonological knowledge. We as Americans have been inundated with shows like Ghost Hunters, Ghost Mine (Which is a great show and I highly recommend it), Haunted Collector, and other such paranormal investigation reality shows. We know more about hauntings and spirits than we did back in 1982 and the culture is supremely different than it was then as well.

Simply remaking the 1982 classic with drone cameras and cell phones isn’t going to cut it. There needs to be other elements thrown in to up the Wow Factor. Additionally, the camera work was uninspiring, the dialogue was wooden, the pacing was wretched, and nothing was inventive. It looked like a phoned-in cash grab with all the heart and soul of a McDonalds Big Mac. Nothing.

Ultimately it was a HUGE disappointment. I don’t recommend it to anyone and I especially don’t recommend it to anyone who loves the original.